skoBo

Raznovrsni

313 posts in this topic

Rat. Mujo zalutao duboko u šumu, a mrak. Izađu ispred njega tri bradata muškarca s kokardama na glavi i pitaju ga:

- Znaš li ti ko smo mi?

- Ako Bog da, skrivena kamera.

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Dečko: Da li si ikad zagrizla k....?

Djevojka: Šta ti je?!? NE ! ! !

Dečko: Znači, dobro pušiš!

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Pitali Mađaricu:

-Šta više voliš: kad ti uđe ili izađe ?

Odgovor:

-Najviše volim kad se dvoumi.

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Bacač koplja prijatelju prije takmičenja:

-Danas se moram jako potruditi, u gledalištu mi je punica.

-To je više od 100 metara...teško da ćeš je pogoditi

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Bacačica diska prijateljici prije takmičenja:

- Danas se moram specijalno potruditi, u publici mi je svekrva.

- Ne brini sve ćemo ti pomoći, samo kaži u kom pravcu...

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Draga SavJeta....

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off

for work leaving my husband in the house watching the

TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the

road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered

to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s

help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He

was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady . I am 32, my

husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve

years. When I confronted him, he broke down and

admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past

six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says

he has been feeling increasingly depressed and

worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave

him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.

I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs… Lisa

Dear Lisa:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can

be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.

Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel

line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding

the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of

these approaches solves the problem, it could be that

the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery

pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

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Ukrao Mujo bure rakije i zbog toga došao na sud. Sudija ga upita:

- Jesi li ti prije deset dana ukrao bure rakije?

- Jesam!

- Policija je kod tebe našla prazno bure. Gdje je rakija?

- Popio!

- Pa nisi valjda za deset dana popio cijelu bure rakije?

- Aaaa....nisam, popio sam samo pola.

- A šta je sa drugom polovinom?

- Prod’o!

- Pa gdje su pare?

- Pa popio!

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Zaustavi policajac automobil, a u njemu Mujo, Fata i njen otac Bajro.

Policajac se nagne kroz prozor i reče:

- Čestitam ! Vi ste milijunti vozač koji je prošao ovom cestom po propisima i zato vas nagrađujemo sa 10.000 KM !

Mujo će na to s olakšanjem:

- Uf, dobro je.. Ja sam već mislio da ste me zaustavili jer nemam vozačku.

I Fata se uključi u razgovor pa reče policajcu:

- Ma joooj, ne slušajte Muju gospon policajac, svašta Mujo priča kad je pijan.

A Bajro se javi sa zadnjeg sica:

- E rekao sam vam ja, mamu vam jebem, da s ukradenim autom nećemo daleko stići !

A onda se začuje glas iz gepeka:

- Jesmo li prešli granicu ?

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Највећи Ђоковићев успијех је што га зову Ноле а не Ђока :D

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Sad se moze i na engleskom opsovati ono 'ebo sliku svoju....fuck your selfie! 😀

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